Grief by Any Other Name
Grief by Any Other Name
On Grief, "Discoveries", & Diagnoses
Most people “discover” their grief, like Christopher Columbus “discovered” America.
Hear me out.
He found himself on these shores. He notices brown people. Almost immediately, he gives them the name that's the closest thing to what he knows.
I know brown people. INDIANS!!!!
WRONG!!!
That’s the thing about a diagnosis. It doesn’t have to be right to stick. It just needs to convince enough people.
Even though his diagnosis was wrong, it stuck. I was calling Natives, Indians since kindergarten. And in the Year of our Lord 2023, even though math has somehow changed since I was in school, that label hasn’t.
Things didn’t have to be that way. If Señor Columbus would have arrived on these unfamiliar shores, sat back and entered into a dialogue with the natives (instead of insisting on identifying them), I think he would have better been able to navigate American shores. Because he let the NATIVES speak.
Most of us wind up on grief’s shore, and we start calling grief the closest thing to what we knew in the past.
I'm not grieving. I've just had a bad day for the last 13 years in a row.
I'm not grieving. I'm just an introvert and I don't like being around people.
I’m not grieving. I just hate my job, and my house, and my spouse, and my kids, and my life.
That’s the thing about grief.
Grief by any other name…is still grief.
My attempts to give it other names made it feel manageable. Controllable. Holdable.
I figured if I could hold it, then I could determine what wastebasket I would throw it in. But grief can’t be held. It can’t be controlled. It can’t be easily discarded.
However, it can be named. Admitted. Diagnosed.
That’s the thing other thing about a diagnosis. Diagnoses aren’t cures, but they are a pathway to one. There are some illnesses that remain, not because of an absence of a cure, but the presence of a misdiagnosis.
So today may not be the day your grief is solved. Or cured. But today might be the first step towards that cure.
Today, I’m committed to hear the stories of others, who may not be Natives on grief shore, but they’ve got work visas! They’ve lived on these shores so long they’re naturalized citizens.
Yet they still smile!
They still write!
They still leave breadcrumbs of hope for our journey.
Today I honor them.
I honor you!
Who are some of the folks that have inspired you to keep moving forward?
Some known and unknown. My husband, Stan, who is committed, "for better or worse...in sickness and in health" until our days end or our Lord returns. Ellen, dear friend of twenty-four years who has been a mentor and voice of wisdom with motherhood. Kerri, a friend who knows and has seen my unlovliness and deceitful heart and still calls me friend (grace).
Jackie Hill Perry's teaching and writing convey her love of God and His Word and it challenges me to want to follow after Him better and live for His smile of approval alone. Her testimony gives me hope.
You have the gift teaching that comes through even in your writing. Stan and i have benefitted as you do so in a way that's relatable, transparent, and exemplifies humility.