Like The Halls of Your Elementary School
A New Perspective on Stagnant Grief
Grief is like the halls of your Elementary School.
On Your first day of First Grade, with fresh Crayolas and a Trapper Keeper in tow, you remember how those halls seemed so big?
Then you come back as an adult, 20 years later, and your first thought is “Yo, who shrunk the school?”
Your next thought is a little bit of a reality check. The school didn’t shrink, you just grew to a size where those large intimidating hallways seemed smaller.
That realization, is exactly what grieving with hope feels like.
You don’t GO around grief; you GROW around it.
You don’t go around grief. You grow around it. Grief comes to you as a pre-shrunk garment. Try to wash it on whatever cycle you want to change the size and the fit, but it’s not going to shrink. It won’t change in size. Grief is as stagnant as it is stubborn.
As time, and healing, and growth take place something strange happens. The fit changes, even though the size of the grief remains the same. When you walk back through Grief’s Hallways you realize it’s still a BIG Hallway.
It’s just not quite as intimidating.
When did you first notice grief wasn't shrinking, you were just growing?
For me, it was subtle. I noticed a shift when talking about my brother. I started talking more about what I loved than what I lost. The tears were still falling, they just started flowing into my smiles instead of frowns. Small ones-the corners of my mouth barely curling upwards. But then, I started noticing myself showing all my teeth when thinking (or talking) about Sam.
How about you?
I’d love to hear your stories. I really would, that’s why I’ve created this space and respond to EVERY comment. Y’all have been so great. I look forward to continuing this journey together with you.
Peace.
Day 8 of 30 Days of Hope
So true. I guess this is "acceptance" in the grief paradigm, but your illustration says it better. We aren't dutifully accepting a cold new reality, but adjusting to new seasons after (or during) loss and finding the Lord's mercy as he sustains us to keep walking in the valley. Thanks for this, brother!
I held grudges to friends who I felt weren't there for me, but as time went I let go because I realised grief is one of those things probably unless you've gone through it that you wont be able to understand.... This is a change that has come with my grief, perspectives have changed on alot of things... Also I can talk about my loved one without feeling choked or super sad and teary all the time